Friday, March 4, 2011


Predictable. capable of being foretold.

March 9th 2010

Today while organizing my hard drive, I realized that my little family (maybe perhaps just me) is stuck in a routine. One which hasn't changed in years. We eat nearly the same exact breakfast, drink scorching coffee out of the same mugs, listen to the same Bloc Party songs over and over again almost each and every day.

I don't enjoy change. I like a constant familiarness.

I have a tendency to pretend that certain things didn't effect my life as much as they had. I have always shown such grace, & understanding - but I still have thousands of what ifs. If I press my eyelids tight enough together I can remember everything. The grumbling sound the new furnace made when it was about to start up. The way the laminate floor would melt with your foot in the spot in front of the living room window The way the scent of flowers would circle my small bedroom if the windows were pulled wide. The silly hickory dickory dock drawing the was sprawled across Daycen's closet. I still remember every nick, every flaw.

I would have never needed the ability to see. I knew that place inside & out. It was apart of me.

I'll never love this house as much as I loved that one until I learn the art of letting go. I've always been the stubborn type so y'all will have to bare with me.

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leane said...

I'm sorry B. I know that it's still hard for you. It was a terrible, life changing event. But you have done so well with it. Life as you know it could be completely different if it hadn't happened...and soon you'll have a ton of new memories on third. I cannot wait to be a part of them, the same way I hope I was a part of them on first.


Alyssa Ashley said...

I'm sorry that you're still struggling with the loss of your house. But your new one does seem really wonderful. I'm sure you'll make lots of new memories in it.

Just curious though, what happened to the lot it was on? Did you not own it or something? Why weren't you able to rebuild on the land?

Brooke Leigh said...

Alyssa -
My parents own the lot and it is currently up for sale. The damage of the house was well over what the house was insured for as well as the city was against the rebuild because of the rock foundation instead of poured concrete. No matter what, as the jerk of a city official said, "I say weather it comes down or not, and it's coming down." With the money from the insurance company, my parents could have rebuilt something on the lot, but they have a home they just built not too long ago - why rebuild a rental when they could use that money to pay off their current home? That's what they did.

Alyssa Ashley said...

Aah, yeah that makes sense. :\ I didn't know your house was a rental. Was it a duplex? I can't remember if you ever said what caused the fire? I don't really understand "I say weather it comes down or not, and it's coming down" was it mistyped or something?